MAY 12, 2018

The Merc With A Mouth is back and he’s more chiseled than ever. What is Ryan Reynolds eating? Does he do his own stunts? Whose ass looks that good in half inch thick leather? We may never know these answers.

It’s a miracle of science, is all I’m saying.

It’s a miracle of science, is all I’m saying.

Deadpool 2 Electric Boogaloo is bigger, shinier and more expensive than its predecessor, the genre breaking Deadpool 1: The Phantom Menace. It’s the first movie turned up to 11, with a few bags of white powder and a 2-foot erection. I mean, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right?

The movie is a vehicle for Reynolds firing one liners like Jim Carrey wielding a dick joke machine gun. And it’s the role he’s born to play.

I’m gonna go out on a limb here. Ryan Reynolds as Wade Wilson is the most faithful representation of a comic book character on the big screen, ever. And I’m an OG Deadpool fan. Come at me, mouthbreathers.

You can see the love Reynolds has for ‘Pool in every scene he’s in, and he’s clearly having such a good time it’s contagious. He carries it off screen, too, if you saw any of the crazy meta promo for this flick.

No happy little accidents here

No happy little accidents here

Deadpool 2 is so crammed full of pop culture references set to the soundtrack of Reynold’s rapid delivery that if you laugh, you’ll miss a joke. They don’t all work, but if you throw enough darts at the wall a few are gonna hit the bullseye, unless your name is Adam Sandler and you can’t throw darts for shit. Nothing is off limits, and DP2 is so in the zeitgeist with it’s topical banter that I wonder how ridiculously dated this movie is going to seem one day. Not this day. But one day.

serenade deadpool

Soundtrack, tho.

The seamless mix of unlikely music with ultraviolent action scenes creates this surreal, almost dream-like quality that is utterly engaging. Sure, even the dubstep.

The problem, if I have to be that guy, is that the first movie defied all expectations and turned the genre on its head. By redoing the same film pumped full of HGH (MGH?), Deadpool 2 is in very real danger of becoming the movies it parodies – and we’re all sick of superhero movies, right? It can’t just be me.

Deadpool and the D-list X-Men

Deadpool and the D-list X-Men

The plot is standard-fare. Deadpool faces tragedy by way of a cream cheese spreader and becomes an even more depressed and manic anti-hero, before attempting to find redemption by saving one spicy heavyset bro from a life of scaffolding. Robo-nator drops by from the future and there’s a burgeoning romance with a steely comrade. Got it? Good.

The action is slick, sharp and stabby, with gratuitous amounts of limb breaking and blood spurting. I expect nothing less from the man who killed John Wick’s dog. The supporting cast are also a (X) force to be reckoned with.

wade vs erlich bachman miller

“Let me ask you something. How fast do you think you could jack off every guy in this room? ‘Cause I know how long it would take me. And I can prove it.”

There’s a perfect splash of TJ Miller playing Erlich Bachman playing TJ Miller, who runs the risk of dominating any scene he’s in, and Karan Soni’s hilariously over-eager Dopinder, whose superpowers include taxi-driving and curry. Atlanta’s brilliant Zeezy Beeks is a surprise hit as Domino, and adds a sorely needed strong female presence to the sausage factory that is this film.

I’m not counting Morena Baccarin, but did you know she’s almost 39? Sweet chimichangas.

I’m not counting Morena Baccarin, but did you know she’s almost 39? Sweet chimichangas.

Josh Brolin is apparently doing a Tour De Marvel Villain, and is a solid Cable – he’s got that thousand yard glare down. Plus, the costume is aces. However, after the brilliant comic run I was expecting a little more by way of grizzled camaraderie and 90’s one liners.

He’s also tiny, which is funny as f*ck. Like, Tom Cruise size. Poor bastard.

Not pictured: The milk crate Brolin is standing on

Not pictured: The milk crate Brolin is standing on

There’s plenty for you unwashed comic nerds too, including no less than 2 alternate costume Deadpools, a cereal bowlful of stabs at Hugh Jackman and a surprise villain, bitch. As expected, there’s a bunch of brilliant cameos that I’m not going to spoil, but make sure you catch them before they vanish.

True to form, Deadpool spends just the right amount of time interacting with the audience, which is kind of like sharing a beer and a cigarette with Wade Wilson on the couch watching himself through the 4th wall he keeps tearing down. Confused? Trust me, it works.

Dave and Wade watch the Royal Wedding

Dave and Wade watch the Royal Wedding

I will say that referencing the fact that a scene has lazy writing does not make the writing less lazy, in the same vein that designing Jar Jar Binks to be annoying makes him no less annoying. There is a sense that the movie is sometimes just trying a little too hard, self-referencing every inadequacy along the way. The pacing is also a bit all over the place, kind of like this paragraph, and I’m sure they left a lot on the cutting room floor.

jar jar binks deadpool comic

Oh man, and the ending was so close to brilliance, too. So close. It’s good, though.

Basically, If you liked the first, you’ll like the second. And if you didn’t like the first, frankly I don’t trust you. Get the hell out of my blog.

I give Deadpool 2:

8 baby legs out of 10.

PS: This goes without saying, but make sure you catch the post credit scenes because they’re the best I’ve ever seen. There’s five of ‘em, and I guarantee they’ll make you spit out your $8 watered-down Coke.

*whispers*   X-Force.

*whispers* X-Force.